Monday, January 24, 2011

My Mind Was Playing Tricks On Me...

Every girl probably goes through that best friend that they just wish they could fall in love with. The heart seems to have a mind of its own of which we can not control. If any girl thinks that she can make herself fall in love with someone, she is wrong. Sooner or later the heart will conquer and practically push you away from your current "love" to that of your true love :) I absolutely, wholeheartedly believe this. I of course sometimes wish I could control my feelings because I (like many girls my age) seem to continuously fall for the wrong guy.....aka the bad boy.

Today I had an epiphany that managed to lift a weight I've been carrying on my shoulders for a couple of weeks now. Now that one of my closest/sweetest guy friends (we have history together) moved here I've been soooo confused about where we stand in each others lives. He is that sweet best friend that you would love to be in love with but you simply aren't. I began trying to come up with reasons to support the theory that perhaps I am in love with him but I'm too scared too fall and be in a relationship. I kept asking myself, "Afraid of what Claudia if you've never been severely heart broken?" Referring back to my questioning about the power the mind can have, eventhough it isn't all mighty, it is very mighty. I felt so mad at myself for thinking too much, for not letting myself go (risking the loss of another good one) and for believing that maybe I'm afraid of commitment. Well I was wrong, it hit me today that the all mighty heart would conquer these fears, if I truly loved him I'd grab his face and kiss him when I have the opportunity, which is often. The power of attraction is an entire different post in and of itself (stay tuned).

So where I'm getting at here is that yes I love my best friend, but I'm not in love with him. I am one lucky girl for having him in my life, but I'm not the one he deserves and I too deserve someone else. In hindsight I can't believe how the mind can play such tricks! As always, the hearts' true emotions were revealed. I've loved a guy before, and fear never kept me from showing my love, that is simply inevitable.

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